The Poltergeist
by Simply Look Around
Summary: Abandoned, see profile... 5th Year. In which Merlin, Aithusa, and Gwaine never really left the castle. Instead, they decided to watch over Camelot turned Hogwarts in forms often overlooked, such as a grumpy caretaker, a beloved feline, and a mischievous poltergeist.
1. Prologue

5th Year. In which Merlin, Aithusa, and Gwaine never really left the castle. Instead, they decided to watch over Camelot turned Hogwarts in forms often overlooked, such as a grumpy caretaker, a beloved feline, and a mischievous poltergeist.

As always, I don't edit or proofread these before I post, nor do I own Harry Potter or Merlin.

-/-

"The name's Hankerton, Hankerton Humble," the man introduces to the four witches and wizards that happened upon their doorstep.

_'What, no bird name?' _a voice filters across mockingly, the man shooting a subtle glare across the courtyard where one ghostly figure hides.

"Pleasure," a fair blonde woman responds, holding out her hand for the man to bow over. "I am Countess Rowena Ravenclaw. My travelling companions are Lady Helga Hufflepuff, Sir Godric Gryfindor, and Lord Salazar Slytherin."

"Welcome to all of you," Hankerton grins, gesturing to the doors of the castle. "Twilight is setting. Why don't you all spend the night? The creatures of the forest don't take well to travelers during the evening hours."

_'You're inviting them in? Why?' _the voice is confused, curious.

_'Because I can't keep the castle closed forever. It was meant to be a home. Maybe these four will be able to occupy it once more. Let's at least hear their stories,' _Hankerton responds as he leads the four in to the Great Hall, the long tables stretching across the stone had been empty for many years.

"Is the castle not occupied?" Godric asks, the silence of the castle making their footsteps echo.

"Ah, once a long time ago, the castle was filled to the brim. It had many homes surrounding it as well, but they were left to rot and the forest took over. The last of the town is just beyond the forest, called Hogsmaede now," Hankerton explains briefly, gesturing them to sit at the end of a table as he makes his way off to the side, pulling off the stew he had begun a few hours ago from the fireplace and hefting it over to the table. He takes another trip for bowls, cutlery, and the bread made early this morning. "Go on, please, help yourselves."

As he sits, a cat jumps upon his lap, paws placed on the table to look at the food. _'May I have some meat, papa?'_

_'Of course, Aithusa,' _Hankerton responds, feeding bits of dried meat to the cat and addressing the four travelers. "This is Apolla, by the way. I warn you not to feed her, or she will constantly seek you for treats."

"She's precious," comments Rowena, reaching over to scratch the cat upon its chin.

"So, Hankerton, if the castle is not occupied, why do you stay?" Salazar asks, serving himself a bowl.

"I couldn't leave this place. It's home," Hankerton states simply. "I don't get many visitors, though. Would you mind sharing your stories?"

The four talk briefly of their pasts, but focus mainly upon their visions for the future. They weave a tale of a bright tomorrow, creating a school without prosecution for young witches and wizards to learn. It was everything that Camelot had eventually strived to be, and it seemed fitting to give these particular folk this offer. A glance at the ghostly figure across the hall confirms his resolve.

"Well, this castle was meant to be a home, if you would like," Hankerton offers, and at the looks of confusion and surprise upon the four. "We could draw up a contract, for you all to start your school here."

"What would you receive from this?" Salazar, the quickest to recover, immediately questions.

"I miss the life that once filled these halls," Hankerton states blithely. "I suppose I would request a few things. The castle would be rented to you, for a certain sum a month; any and all structural changes would be run by me for final approval as the caretaker; the caretaker will choose their replacement; and several other smaller things. But, I suppose you are looking for the negatives of my offer, correct?" Seeing Salazar's nod, Hankerton smiles. "Well, the castle is a bit magical already; doorways and stairs moving, secret passages, creatures living in the woods, ghosts and poltergeists haunting the halls. You would have to work with the castle, not against it."

Hankerton leans forward slightly, as if to share a secret.

"How would you like to meet Peeves?"

-/-

The pounding of nails to stone make the three figures flinch from their watch in the shadows.

_'She has to go,' _frowns Peeves, nose scrunching.

_'Agreed,' _Missus Norris's tail flicks in irritation.

_'What do you say to causing a bit of chaos?' _Mister Filch inquires to his companions. _'After all, Hogwarts has always been a touch 'sentient'.'_

Mister Filch places a hand against the stone wall, eyes flashing gold briefly and watches as the walls outside the Great Hall ripple before the nails are slowly pushed out of the wall, the plaques of rules falling to the ground as Hogwarts' rejects the changes to its structure.

They take great pleasure in the frustrated noise that erupts from the pink ministry official's twisted visage.

_'Let's plot, shall we?'_


	2. Introduction to Peeves: The Last Time

Posted 8 July 2019

-/-

"-and, Minerva, would you be able-"

The staff room door opens with a loud bang, admitting the pink clad visage of the fuming ministry official.

"Ah, Madame Umbridge," Albus picks up from where he is interrupted. "We were unsure you were able to join us. We were just discussing the upcoming Hogsmeade schedule."

"This is the last time," Dolores swears upon her entry, the door shutting loudly behind her.

"The last time for what, may I ask?" Albus raises a brow at her, wondering what the woman would pull out next.

"The poltergeist, Headmaster," the woman practically sneers his title, spitting the creature's title out. "This is the last time. Get rid of the it."

Now that the professors are looking, they find that Dolores has a splattering of paint across her robe and face, as well as the faint smell of dung bombs the longer she stands close to them.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that," Albus admits easily, and before the ministry official has a chance to protest. "Hogwarts does not have the money nor the expertise to hire an exorcist, and I would caution against the action even if we did. Peeves is much better friend than foe."

"Well, if that is the case, I will take the matter to the minister," Dolores looks calmer than when she arrived, as always, the mere mention of the minister and her position turning her face into an unattractive, smug expression.

"I caution you on how to proceed, Dolores. You will not receive support from Hogwarts on this matter," Albus issues one final warning.

She pauses only briefly before she turns on her heel and exits the staff room, leaving silence and incredulous expressions behind her.

"She cannot be serious," Minerva protests faintly.

Albus huffs a small chuckle in agreement. "Unfortunately, it seems she is."

"Have there ever been any attempts at exorcism before?" Filius asks curiously, peering over at the Headmaster.

"Yes, which is why I caution her attempts," Albus admits easily, noting the surprise on the faces of his staff. "Well, it is not well known, but the last attempt was in 1876 by the caretaker at the time, Rancorous Carpe. He tried to lure Peeves into a trap, an irresistible amount of weapons beneath a reinforced jar. Not only did Peeves break free from the jar, but he was now armed with weapons. The result was not pleasant." Albus shakes his head, both amused and dreadful. "Peeves caused an evacuation of the castle, firing out windows and threatening death. After a three-day standoff, Headmistress Mole had to sign a contract with Peeves in order to cease and desist. That is how Peeves now has the privileges to swim in the boys' ground floor toilets, first refusal on stale bread from the kitchen for throwing purposes, and the custom hat that he still wears to this day. Unfortunately, it did not extend to the caretaker who started it all, who was forced into an early retirement for health reasons."

"So, what you are saying than," starts Severus, the faintest hint of a smile curling upon the edge of his mouth. "Is if we leave Umbridge as she is, Peeves will get rid of her for us."

"Well, it is a possibility," Albus admits easily, watching all his present professors begin to smile at the knowledge. "However, I do believe it is in our best interest to take proactive care with Peeves. Who would like to join me in the negotiations to leave the rest of us untouched?"

-/-

Peeves snickers from his invisible perch in the rafters with the purring Missus Norris, gleeful as they watch the staff plot to gain immunity.

_'Rather fascinating, isn't it?' _Peeves poses to Missus Norris and Mister Filch.

_'Indeed,' _Mister Filch responds easily. _'Should I arrange to catch Misters Weasley for ammunition?'_

_'Not yet, I think,'_ Peeves declines. _'We are plenty spontaneous enough on our own.'_

_'Fair enough,' _Mister Filch agrees, pausing for a moment. _'And, I would rather not do anything that would get anyone else blamed, so best to stick to something blatant rather than subtle.'_

Peeves nods to himself, looking down at Missus Norris. _'What do you think, lil' miss? Any ideas for this time? Another standoff or a tornado of swords perhaps?'_

_'That would be unoriginal,' _comments Missus Norris easily. _'Perhaps potions? Color changing ones?'_

_'A tornado of color, how interesting,' _Peeves ponders. _'Let's find out the full plan from the toad, figure out who will be exorcising us this time.'_

Peeves makes his way across the rafters to a wall rather similar to Platform 9 ¾, moving through the walls with Missus Norris before exiting into the caretaker's office. Missus Norris hops upon Mister Filch's lap and gains a gentle hand carding over her fur.

Mister Filch is sitting at his desk, head tilting thoughtfully. "Perhaps the more pressing issue is what should your demands be this time. The professors are beginning their search."

"Alright," agrees Peeves easily, sitting above a chair in front the caretaker's desk. "I think I should start with access to the house elves and negotiate down from there."

A chill went down the spines of the residents of the castle in forewarning.

Hogwarts was going to become a bit more chaotic.


	3. Spoken Across the Globe

Posted 8 July 2019

Obviously, if you have not guessed already, they are more of connected one shots rather than a complete story. And, as usual, unedited and proofread.

-/-

Harry rubs his eyes as he approaches the Great Hall, and crosses over to where he sees Hermione from across the entry.

"What's going on?" he asks with a yawn, slowly waking up as his curiosity drives him.

"You know how Umbridge attempted to exorcise Peeves a few days ago?" Hermione responds, and seeing his nod, continues. "Well, apparently, the ritual they used was created within the past fifty years. It has never failed to exorcise a ghost, spirit, poltergeist, _anything. _Quite frankly, it has caused quite a bit of reach."

"So, are these people all exorcists?" Harry's brows furrow as he watches the people congregating in the large room off of the entry beside the Great Hall.

"Maybe half. The others are all masters of their fields. I even saw Bill go in earlier with some of the goblins from Gringotts," Hermione discloses, excitement coloring her tone. "They've been trying all sorts of different things since they arrived last night and nothing is working!"

"So, what? Peeves is some sort of super poltergeist?" Harry cannot help but ask. The whole thing seemed rather odd to him. Why all this trouble for one spirit?

"I don't know, but I'm terribly curious," she confesses, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "Well, we will just have to wait and see for now. Classes start soon, and we should get breakfast first."

-/-

It is like the Triwizard tournament all over again.

After and between classes, the students and professors began to congregate in room just inside the entry that now housed the dozens of academics from around the globe attempting to solve the problem that was Peeves. The poltergeist had taken the efforts to annoy and prank the lot of them with mischief as they attempted to solve the puzzle.

Today, another two of the long-term residents of Hogwarts visited the room, the Bloody Baron and the Grey Lady casting a dismissive glance upon the many.

"You're attempts at exorcism will be fruitless," the Bloody Baron intones.

"May I ask why?" the Headmaster requests, tone respectful and curious.

"Peeves has been with the castle long before it became Hogwarts," the Grey Lady murmurs reluctantly. "All attempts at exorcism have only worsened his mischief."

"That's right," Peeves agrees, blowing a raspberry to the ghost and cringing as the Bloody Baron shot him a glare. "Tough crowd…"

"Come on, Harry, let's head to the library," Hermione whispers as the two ghosts continue to converse, stating a lot of nothing that was useful to those trying to figure out the mystery.

"Why?" Harry asks, eyes narrowing as he watches Peeves turn invisible, but following Hermione as she tugs on the cuff of his sleeve.

"Well, they said Peeves was here before Hogwarts, which means that he is older than the other ghosts, so maybe if we research the castle or double check Hogwarts, A History, we could find something," Hermione rationalizes, getting a sigh of agreement from Harry.

It is like S.P.E.W. It is best to let Hermione get it out of her system.

-/-

"What the…" Peeves murmurs, his sentence trailing off. He pushes against the large dome barrier, its color a faint bluish white. Prodding a bit more at the barrier, his expression changes from puzzled to amused. "Clever boy."

"Cursebreaker Weasley," Crabtree, the goblin in charge of the Gringotts cursebreakers, bellows. "What did you use?"

"Ah, I just got to thinking what if Peeves was not really a poltergeist?" Bill inquires to the group of academics and masters of their trades. "I mean, most poltergeists are thought to have formed with a gathering of a large group of adolescents. The Bloody Baron and the Grey Lady stated that Peeves was around before it was a school, though. So, I used a sequence that defined it to capture both the dead and the undead. At least, then I could have a chance to study how to get rid of him from how I am able to capture him."

At once, the large group of academics, masters, necromancers, cursebreakers, and residents of Hogwarts broke into applause at the minor triumph. Bill flushes slightly at the attention, grinning before he is forced to take a step back as Peeves suddenly vanishes from view to appear in front of the Weasley with his hands pressed against the barrier.

The undead creature stares at Bill with a visage more serious than anyone had ever seen.

Finally, a smirk stretches over Peeves' lips, declaring clearly once more. "Clever."

Peeves than turns, floating around the barrier as he hums off key, fingers skimming the translucent bluish white dome. No one notices Mister Filch and Missus Norris standing in the shadows, or the subtle exchange they have with the undead.

-/-

"Out! Out!" shouts Mister Filch, pushing the hoard of professionals and students from the room that housed Peeves beside the Great Hall. The caretaker grumbles. "-trecking mud all over my castle. The nerve! In my day, they-"

Mister Filch's grumbling cuts off once he slams the door shut after pressing a sign to the outside of the door signaling he would reopen the room in several hours once the cleaning was through. He turns to the undead.

"Doing okay, mate?"

"Most fun I've had in ages," Peeves grins, eyes twinkling. "Some of the students are particularly clever. They might just be able to force me out of my disguise."

"They aren't hurting you at all?" the caretaker presses with concern. Peeves shakes his head to the negative.

"Are you sure we are doing the right thing?" Peeves asks after a moment of silence.

Mister Filch nods. "I believe so. It is safer if you are revealed rather than me. And, we do need a go between for Dumbledore, Potter, and Snape." Mister Filch trails off thoughtfully. "Though, this was your idea, so…"

Peeves snorts at the insinuation, both grinning at one another.

-/-

Up next time, the Golden Trio.


	4. The Golden Trio

Posted 8 July 2019

As usual, unedited and not proofread.

-/-

"What's the point of this?" grumbles Ron, shoving his hands in his trouser pockets as they follow Hermione into the room with the trapped Peeves.

"It is an excellent opportunity to work with masters of their trade, Ronald," she responds with a roll of her eyes. Honestly. Seeing an empty table along the side of the room, she moves into claim it for them. "Besides, you have the opportunity to work on your homework- Harry, what _are_ you doing?"

"I dunno," Harry mumbles, eyeing the undead being sitting cross-legged in the middle of the dome, spinning in idle circles. For the first time ever, Peeves looks bored. He glances at Hermione absently. "It just seems kind of wrong, you know? Peeves never really hurt anyone, and now he's trapped and put under a microscope."

"Oh, I suppose," Hermione's lips purse in thought, and both of the muggle raised teens ignore Ron's questions of micro-what. Her ethical and moral spirits clashing with the academic in her.

"I'm going to keep him company," Harry resolves suddenly, if not a bit apprehensively. Inwardly, he agrees with the disbelief on both of his friend's faces, but he remembers being locked up with nothing to do. Bracing himself, he approaches the barrier and makes himself comfortable on the floor. It takes only a moment till Peeves rotation brings him to look in that direction, the undead eyeing him for a moment before floating over.

"Potty wants something?" Peeves questions curiously.

"I just thought you might want some company," Harry poses, it took all his Gryfindor courage to approach. Peeves face twists thoughtfully.

"Peeves is rather bored," Peeves finally responds, staying silent and focused on Harry.

"Do you want to hear what they've figured out so far?" Harry finally asks awkwardly. Peeves gives a nod. "Well, they know you aren't a poltergeist, you've just disguised yourself to mimic one."

Peeves grins at the statement, admitting. "Peeves has been with the castle a long time." He gestures Harry to lean in closer as he whispers. "Peeves would take this form to protect the castle. He would prank and play and eventually they would go away."

"So, the castle really wasn't built as Hogwarts," Harry catches quickly at the confirmation of what he and Hermione had been researching. "So, why didn't you drive the founders away, than?"

Peeves looks thoughtful, tapping his chin briefly, and for a moment, Harry thinks the undead will not provide an answer. "The castle was never meant to stay empty forever. It was meant to be called home."

"It's my home," Harry agrees quietly, without really thinking about it. Peeves is beaming at him then, at Harry cannot bring himself to regret the personal admittance.

"Now, Potty tells something to Peeves," the undead being demands, quid pro quo.

Harry shifts, a bit weary. What if Peeves wanted something personal, that could potentially be used against him should Peeves escape? Best to approach the demand with caution. "What do you want to know?"

"How is lil miss? Does she miss Peeves? Peeves hasn't seen her whiskery face in weeks," Peeves inquires eagerly. Harry is a bit dumbfounded at the question before it dawns on him.

"You mean Missus Norris?" blurts out Harry, Peeves nodding eagerly in confirmation. "I didn't know, I mean, you and Mister Filch are constantly at each other's throats."

"Ah, but Peeves and lil miss play around the castle. She must be so lonely without Peeves," the undead does a rather fantastic job of looking genuinely remorseful that the two beings are separated.

Harry curses himself inwardly after he offers absently. "I can try to sneak her in, if you want?"

Peeves eyes practically sparkle at the offer, and the grin on the undead's face widens in glee.

Oh, yes. Harry really, really regrets the offer.

-/-

Peeves' eyes follow the Golden Trio as they leave the room, taking glee at what the teens' slumped shoulders show. They are preparing for the inevitable and doom.

_'Did you really just give a quest to three teenagers to catch Aithusa?' _the question is both disbelieving and full of amusement.

_'Oh, yes, I did,' _agrees the undead gleefully. _'Give them hell, Aithusa. I want to see their resolve.'_

_'They will be like large mice,' _Missus Norris responds across the link easily, gleeful as she prepares to play with her prey.

_'It's almost cruel,' _comments Mister Filch, though not seriously.

_'It can be apart of their training for the war. Practice in strategy and evasion and-'_

_'You're a sadist.'_

_'Guilty as charged, mate.'_

-/-

As Hermione helps disinfect the scratches across Harry's face, arms, and hands, he watches Peeves and Missus Norris play with a barrier between them.

"It was worth it," Harry decides, seeing the joy from the two beings.

Ron snorts a laugh. "You're a nutter, mate."

"Well, despite your injuries, they do seem happy," Hermione sighs, putting the supplies away in her bag. Harry gives her a grateful smile, and she huffs a laugh. "You did a good thing, Harry… incredibly foolish, but still good."

"I don't regret it," Harry grins, wincing slightly as a cut pulls on his cheek.

"Potty," calls Peeves suddenly, the undead pausing in his game with the cat. He and Missus Norris trail along until they are at the barrier in front of the trio. Peeves leans close. "Peeves wants to tell you something."

Harry's brows furrow, and the three lean forward towards the barrier at Peeves' motion. To Harry's surprise, Missus Norris is purring, looping around the three affectionately.

"Yeah, Peeves?" Harry asks, once he realizes the undead is waiting for his full attention.

"If you ever find yourself in an unwinnable situation, and only in the most direst of circumstances, take lil miss outside, spell her asleep, and tickle her belly," imparts Peeves, causing three flabbergasted expressions. The undead gives one last grin to the trio. "Now be off, Gryfindories. Lil miss and Peeves must play now."

Peeves waves them off, and Missus Norris hisses. The trio quickly gather their belongings to get away from the deadly, demon cat. As they reach the doors, Peeves calls out to them.

"And, remember what Peeves said! Toodles, Potty and ladies."

Harry and Hermione pull Ron from the room before the humiliation and redheaded anger could kick in.

_'I like them,'_ admits Peeves, absently.

_'I'm beginning to as well,' _admits Mister Filch, grinning from his spot in the shadows. _'Would you like to see the chase Aithusa lead them on?'_

_'Do you really have to ask?'_

-/-

Does anyone have ideas for more of fifth year or should I just skip to the end of the year?

I have to state that Gwaine will be revealed shortly (and the reasons why he is undead), while Aithusa and Merlin will really only truly interact with Gwaine for now. It's a different approach to the other crossovers I've seen for HP and Merlin.


End file.
